Tips for Holiday Anxiety

Preparing for the Holiday Season

We think of the holiday season as a time of togetherness. Commercials flood our screens with families smiling, sharing delicious food, and opening amazing gifts. The expectations are high for the holiday season. After all, this is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.  

In my clinical practice, I often see people overwhelmed with the impossible task of meeting unrealistic holiday expectations. It is important to remember that even though gifts are nice, they are only one variable in the love equation. We all have preferred ways of expressing and receiving love. For example, acts of service like helping out in the kitchen with the cooking and cleaning make your partner feel appreciated and valued. Giving a good hug and saying “I love that you are here” is one way of using physical touch and words of affirmation to make that special someone feel in fact, special. Quality time is not so much about the amount of time spent together, but about the value and meaning of the time spent together. Being present and attentive during a conversation or fully invested in the family charades game after dinner, show that you care and want to be in their company. In preparation for this holiday season, I invite you to check in with your family about their preferred ways of sharing and receiving love.  

But what if there’s a historical conflict within the family? How can you be physically together while emotionally apart? 

Some people feel incredibly lonely and disconnected from their families and dread coming home for the holiday season. This election year only heightens tension among family members who differ in their political ideology.  

Building a bridge and reaching the other side is a monumental task, but a necessary one to staying connected. We cannot only love our family when we agree. In my practice, I advise adult children to share with their parents a sense of gratitude for instilling in them strong family values such as political activism, thoughtfulness in your selection, and standing for what you believe in (even if those values landed you on the opposite end of the political spectrum). This is a way of honoring your individuality and separateness while staying in the relationship and not cutting people off.  

If building a bridge feels impossible right now, setting boundaries might be the more realistic alternative to preserving the relationship. Before saying any of these statements, Inhale for four counts, hold for seven and exhale for eight. This practice slows the heart rate and promotes relaxation. It will give you more courage too. 

• “I’m hearing how passionate you are about this. I’m feeling overwhelmed with this topic. Can we talk about something else?” 
• “I appreciate that you want to talk to me about this but I’m not able to right now. Can we chat about it later?” 
• “I’m not feeling comfortable with this topic. Thank you for understanding.” 
• “I’m concerned that this discussion might negatively impact our relationship. I think we should pause on this particular topic.” 
• “I need to leave this conversation.” 

And remember to build breaks into your family visit schedule, take time off as needed!